Whatever I say tonight will inVARiably be criticised!

Darkness has descended. Let me illuminate your way on Superscoreboard at six o'clock!

On the Day of Judgement I do not expect my pathway to the Pearly Gates to be blocked because my predictions were rubbish!

"Hell awaits you for the lies you tell and the wages you steal," says an anonymous person in the same week another one said I looked like a "Decomposed body." What's it to be? Am I dead or waiting to be dead. I need to know!

Just read all of my fan mail! As wee Fergus used to say, "A dog barks and the caravan moves on." Take care.

I was not in Qatar and I do not have a moustache! But I'm with the Dazzler on this one.If England win the World Cup, so what?

One must explain oneself at six this evening. Am I bovvered!

Season's greetings everyone. Me and Mark Wilson on the wireless tonight at six. Like two soluble aspirin after a long day on the Ho Ho Ho!

I suspect there may be a febrile atmosphere surrounding Superscoreboard this evening. Ange has set the narrative. I love this business!

I must go now. People to infuriate!

Another day, another show for a popular light entertainer! Curtain up at 2pm.

I would just like to say Happy Birthday to my brother, Patrick. It's cheaper than sending a card!

I would like to categorically deny that my Nokia was anywhere near the Match of the Day studio. It wisnae me!

Six hour Superscoreboard. It's not enough, really. Is it?

I'm back on Superscoreboard tonight. That just makes things so much better, doesn't it?

The sun is shining. The football looks great. The programme starts at 2pm. What could possibly go wrong!

A 9/10 on the 5k minute this morning with the boy Bowie. Now for Superscoreboard after being carried into the studio on a throne!

I've just said hello to Fleur from Strictly Come Dancing in the Clyde news room. I'll finish the day on Superscoreboard. Life is a cabaret!

Yesterday I was met by Fleur East in the Clyde news room. Today I'm looking at the Dazzler and the Mushroom. Life's like that!

There's a good comedy act on at six this evening on Superscoreboard!