The parent trap is actually insane 😭 imagine being in such a toxic relationship you're like "fuck it, you take one I take one so I never have to see you again." Low-key want that.......

I need a "white woman discovering herself" type holiday asap

Why are people being arrested for protesting against an unelected head of state??

Talked to friend today. Full time job but cant afford down payment on a house. Late 20s. Single. Huge cock. Balls same size as eachother. No kids. Bulging vein running all the way up the shaft is begging to be touched. Has given up on ever owning a home. Things are bleak indeed

People coming for Paddington on this app will never not make me CRY

🤩 The AMAZING @sharonwanjohi_ 💫 will be joining us at our next show.💚 ⁠ Come to our Soho Theatre show on the 26th of June 🥰 Get your tickets 🎟 ⁠ #soho⁠ #jokes⁠ #comedy⁠ #standup⁠ #standuplondon⁠ #comedynight⁠ #focitup #lgbtq

😹 HILARIOUS bits from @sharonwanjohi_ ⁠ Catch more of her at our Soho Theatre show on the 26th of June 🥰⁠ ⁠ Get your tickets 🎟 at the link in bio 🔗⁠ ⁠ #soho⁠ #jokes⁠ #comedy⁠ #standup⁠ #standuplondon⁠ #comedynight⁠ #focitup #lgbtq

Every time I leave London then come back I feel the negative vibes re-enter my body at an alarming rate. I forgot I used to smile back in the day #couldntliveanywhereelse

Just finished rewatching Scandal and lemme tell you, I am about to become INSUFFERABLE!

GASPPP WHATS THIS?!? Wait Sharon and Abbie are bringing their Edinburgh show to London for one night only? Get outta town- unless that town is London. We’d love to have you, there’s a sexy little link in the bio xoxoxo

🚨Tickets are running very low for Monday! 🚨 Don’t miss out out on this cracking lineup with all proceeds going to the National AIDS Trust pleasance.co.uk/event/gala-wor…

Is England taking the piss? It’s too bloody cold. This is the kind of cold where you’re not even wearing fits, just clothes straight up. None of my outfits will be making sense for the foreseeable future

Just seen a man selling pirate DVDs on the train, nature is healing ✨

Join us for a hilarious night of comedy from some of the best Black British comedians: Dana Alexander, Dane Baptiste, Darren Harriott, Aurie Styla, Slim & Sharon Wanjohi. All proceeds will go towards our #ForTheCulture strand of work. 📅 04 Mar, 7.30pm: bit.ly/3wtxnnR

What brand of fake blood did trump use for the shooting, need to start preparing for Halloween

American politics is truly fascinating. Lil Jon at the dem convention is crazy stuff. Imagine if Keir brought out Dizzie Rascal

The opening lyrics of Sk8er Boi prove Avril Lavinge doesn’t respect non-binary people