The only way to watch LGR

I don’t know who but I know someone needed to hear this today

Imagine opening your month-old pack of Duracell Optimum batteries only to find them leaking and corroded.

Shoutout to Microsoft. Running a VERY slow data recovery effort. Seven days in, sit down at my computer to find that it decided to force a Windows update on me and restart, ruining my work.

If you're with U.S. Bank make sure you are opted out of overdraft protection if you don't want it. It somehow got enabled for me, even though legally you're supposed to be opted-out by default. Definitely thinking about switching banks now.

Bilingual fun: when someone asks you to say something in your other language, poetically describe your last bout of explosive diarrhea.

🎥CAUGHT ON CAMERA: A couple visiting Las Vegas from St. Louis planned on celebrating their sixth wedding anniversary, but instead, they spent their time in shock after they said they were attacked on the Las Vegas Strip. KSNV News 3 Las Vegas #LasVegas #tourism #tourists

If I grew my beard out and doubled in mass, I'd make a pretty good Brock Lesnar

Before there were Tapout shirts, there was Zima.

I feel like jousting with Tommy milliams using Rascal Scooters and EZ Grabbers.

I think they should replace the steady beep on heart monitors with the Price is Right fail horn.

"God damn you Mike Rowe, you're like the white Morgan Freeman." -David

God, that moment "Paint it Black" starts playing in the shower. Mandatory helicopter to the beat.

Why don't they advertise exercise as a penis enlarging method? Men would be healthier and our women would be much happier.

"You gotta get up on that pole and swing around." - Judge Mathis

If you could pay Morgan Freeman to say anything, what would it be?

SportsCenter - Notre Dame LB Manti Teo's girlfriend did not exist, Deadspin reports; her existence and death a hoax. espn.go.com

Cue X-Files whistle natureworldreport.com/2015/10/giant-…

Violet Bakery Apple Galette out of oven. On to the Walnut Praline ice cream.