At least if your pets are getting eaten, I won’t have to look at as many photos of your “fur babies” dressed up in bow ties or sitting in the front of the birthday cake you made them even though they have no idea what the hell a birthday is.

Trump should have quoted the great John Prine ... "Farm machinery eating people's arms and legs" ... because at least that one's true.

What I wouldn't give to hear the average Trump voter — the one in the red hat, who tucks his T-shirt with a howling wolf under a full moon on it, into his sweatpants — pronounce the word Haitian.

This Kravitz fellow has been dining out on this same song for 30 years.

Loomer being the final nail in Trump's coffin would almost be enough to make you believe in a higher power.

Remember what your Uncle Milt has told you: All religions are equally stupid.

Look, if there really was a group of people out there snatching up all the geese and eating them, I'd say good, because geese are assholes.

If your anger and irrationality are so deep that scaring children doesn’t snap you back to reality, you’re gone forever.

This is a five or six loss Bison team. But keep telling me they “deserve” to be in the Mountain West.

Gaines, like so many of them, doesn’t mean any of it. She doesn’t believe in anything. It’s just a way to make a buck.

Swift isn’t famous. Robert Downey Jr. is famous. Swift is something far beyond famous. She has millions of people who would quite literally follow her into hell. Trump has needlessly picked a fight he can’t win, while Swift sits back and laughs.

People who shoot at the president, or former president as the case may be, tend to have politics discernible only to themselves.

Fuck your feelings.

We have become a nation of enemies, that much is obvious, and both parties bear responsibility. I suspect, thanks in large part to social media, it’s permanent. A third of the country hates a rival third while the remaining third is left to look on it all in horror.

My point has been proven.

The 2024 Minnesota Twins are a bunch of gutless assholes.

Yes, but he's absolutely cooking with white men who don't comb their hair because they're too busy posting their politico manifestos and video game cheat codes and who have never experienced the pleasure of buying a woman dinner.

This shitbag is so talentless and out of touch that he lost his own inept party's endorsement for governor to a mentally ill doctor.

If you come here and go to work and follow the law and pay your taxes, that should be the end of it.

This suggests that Buckley had real power or clout with anyone outside of Connecticut or Manhattan. He didn’t. He was nothing more than a contrived cartoon character playing a role. He was Foghorn Leghorn by way of Yale.