Last night I jolted awake in a cold sweat because I had a dream Joseph Gordon Levitt came out as trans and changed his name to Josephine

My laptop will power on ONLY if I finger-fuck the power button for 10 seconds, sexual style. The machine spirit is real and it’s fuckin horny, apparently.

Rusty Shackelford Spicey, potentially nuclear level if that was the case. Overall, still a banger. 7/10

Its annoying how Trump talks about opening Alcatraz and Repubros immediately start talking about jailing their political opponents. There are monsters in human skin who truly deserve to be there for murder, rape and trafficking. not some pathetic politician you personally hate

Man on the run is one of the best songs because Paul McCartney had so many dope riffs ready to go but He couldn’t make up his mind on one so he used all four.

So the Conclave movie ends with a lady-man telling conservatives to be forgiving of Islamic terrorism in Europe? 90% was so good only to fumble in the in-zone

JD Vance Already Making Plans To Kill New Pope buff.ly/lY0R6d5

To this day, I stand by the fact that “in the air tonight” is a song about murdering the man your wife cheated on you with

Been smelling something in my car for a while that I can only compare to Kraft macaroni cheese powder. Finally did a deep clean and found the culprit. a multi-month old lunch Tupperware stuck under my seat secreting a mystery oil THROUGH THE PLASIC. Needless to say, it’s gone.

Hey Twitter ad people. For the record, I don’t give a fuck about chipotle or people with dead spouses. Can you PLEASE fuck off with those nonstop ads every other post

Better than an Alamo and almost as good as propane. An all new season of #KingOfTheHill drops Aug 4th on Hulu and with #HuluOnDisneyPlus.

Omg switch two! Can’t wait my my wife’s boyfriend to get it for me!

Feeling like I just rediscovered the Ark of the Covenant #AchievementHunter rayyy lmao

How all Muslims looks to everyone else

The word “Hors d’oeuvres” pisses me off to no end

i'm so small and tiny... she's so big and tall

BREAKING: Trump says Israel and Iran have been fighting "for so long and so hard" that they don’t know “what the fuck they’re doing.”

Black people really out here trying to defend hot garbage, JUST because it’s “black media” so not only are you racist. You’re racist, stupid and have bad taste in media. #Ironheart