conclave.

Is yo baby daddy taking you to dinner this weekend for Mother’s Day or do I have to?

When Jerry thought he was going to spend the campaign tonight persuading our foes but is forced to entertain them.

No speech today. No inspirational quote or lesson learned. Just look at the blue sky and beautiful day God made you. Sexy Friday was made to close your laptop, leave work early, find a patio, look cute, feel the sun’s warmth and get lost in the clouds.

i understand i’m very late to the party but I need olivia tiedmann to step on me

This is like finding footage of Da Vinci painting the Mona Lisa

This is only hard for white ppl, bc what the fuck is once removed. Me and yo daddy got kicked out of Sunday School, scraped our knees on our bikes, fought bullies, played Goldeneye 64 until our eyes bled, and put 5 on it… that’s my cousin/bro and you’re my nephew. End of story.

*me at the car rental with Jerry” Can we get the sexiest Chrysler Pacifica minivan you have?

Sometimes peak life is a dive bar on Karaoke night.

Scuba de Mayo 40 is officially over. Now I’m just old :/

To steal from Daniel Patrick Moynihan, to be an Aggie is to know, in the end, the world will break your heart.

Intrusive thoughts are a motherfucker, because why did I have the best birthday with people I love to come home and feel sad.

Boss: I know you just back from vacation but you can’t daydrink at work. Please put the mini bottles away. Me: Ok first of all, that’s maple syrup.

I’ve never wanted to be damaged by hail so badly.

When I see a 90 pound Vietnamese blackjack dealer with no one at the her table at 9PM on Friday.

What do I want for my birthday, to wake up next to you. The fuck?

I don’t get angry anymore when my open heart burns me, love and life are meant to be vulnerable. It’s Sexy Friday and the good you put in the world always comes back to you in some way, so just try to be the best person you can. The rest will take care of itself.

Can Reed fight

fuck