So etch these words in my tombstone open.spotify.com/track/3gIKpUNa… DownAndOutAus #MoreGooderMusic

Girl are you wedding vows cuz no one believes in you

Girl are you Iowa cuz no one knows anything about you

If you display decorative holiday towels you're part of the problem

Naughty children be afraid open.spotify.com/track/1KuIua69… Lacuna Coil

Do bitches still be trippin?

I was feeling kind of ugh but then I was all like blah this is all so meh

Somewhere out there there's a woman willing to suffer mild-to-moderate disappointment

English people are so cute with their figgy puddings and what not

Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The ones who return shopping carts.

Striking out on CPAP Singles 😒

"The future is today" - People who don't understand time

I’ve literally never had a good day after someone told me to

It's like some days the Spotify DJ (can you guys PLEASE offer another voice?) really gets me and some days not so much, today is pretty decent

"I’m not like most women" - Most women

Cause I'm going forwards and looking backwards open.spotify.com/track/0vcjlBUJ… Big Wreck

Girl are you an angel cuz I don't believe in you

You never know which boner will be your last

Nominations to assist with research for my next book, "Places to Live That Suck the Life Out of You"?

LOL @ people in Connecticut