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This thing’s more staged than a Chiefs game

bite his fucking ear off Mike Tyson

from a young age i knew everybody was wrong and i was right

I could lowkey really use a wish right now

this is the only day you can retweet this

bro can give 2 people unlimited kerosene and a private jet but I have to drink my coke with a paper straw that dissolves in my mouth can‘t make this stuff up

College+ showed me that’s a lot of mfkers weren’t parented or even raised. Just housed, fed, & tolerated until it was legal to unleash them on the rest of us

I hate the cheating azz chiefs

the rest is still unwritten bro

Better Vision. Better Calls. Still literally offering all NFL refs free LASIK.

manifesting a high paying low effort remote job

I didn’t know eating wings in a Hyundai got you into the Grammys let me set my phone up darling

I’m the worlds fakest eagles fan today I can’t even spell philadollfeeya I just want justice

us born between 98-02 deserve a damn do over

networking (trying to find friends with a boat)

having his first critical thought at the ripe age of thirty

It’s extremely eye opening getting older and realizing a majority of the population is not smart. Like they’re really slow and it’s scary.

paying 1.2k to meet a woman beater is just as bad as waiting in a bonnie blue line btw

it’s so nice to know that there are at least 62,000 people out there who i am better than