🔥The 9th Round of Easy Loan, Earn $40 Reward is in progress❗️ ⏰ Promotion Period: January 15th - Feburary 15th, 2025 👉 Register now and check more details at gate.io/campaigns/358

Meanwhile, over on Threads, this guy is trying to ship me off to AA.

No one told me that when you turn 40 you’re assigned all the allergies. Put on a plaster, come up in a rash. Slept with the window open, wake up with puffy eyes. Saw a dog across the road, asthma attack. Drove within a 10 mile radius of a peanut factory, Anaphylactic shock.

Good Morning to everyone, except the little voice in my head, who has been a c*nt this week.

I picked up a dress thinking it was my size, it went on ok but it was that tight, my boobs looked like they had been steam rolled. Turns out it was three sizes too small.

I’m at my daughter’s sports day and people are choosing to stand or sit on the ground rather than use the chairs either side of me.

When you worked from home yesterday but have turned up to work today with sun burn… Me: “I think its because I was sat next to a really big window”

Right, should we get a bit merry?

Today I’m going to watch Macbeth because despite what you all think, I’m actually a very classy bird.

To say I’ve never had a car on finance, it’s quite impressive that I could still be owed thousands in compensation.

Feeling a bit out of place as I didn’t get the socks and sandals memo.

Now that it’s Summer, I’ve realised that one of the perks to not having any friends is that I don’t get invited to barbecues.

Sunday:

I’ve been out this morning and I almost drowned it was raining that hard, so you better appreciate it.

I like it when I receive an email from someone at work, rather than using their laptop, you know they’ve sent it from their phone, as they forget to be professional and end it with a couple of kisses. I know they didn’t mean it, but it makes me feel special.

There should be an incentive to work Mondays, like double pay or Piña Coladas at lunch time.

Spiders have nightmares about people crawling into their mouths at night.

And still tells all his mates that she loved it.

I might not have sex anymore, but all of the cleaning products under my sink are in alphabetical order.

People that ‘Reply All’ to emails instead of just ‘Reply’.

Them: what are you serving for dessert? Me: