When you really think about it, life is quite simple. Just be the best you can be until you die.

I drank an entire cup of coffee while waiting in line at the drive thru to get a cup of coffee.

Be genuine. It's that simple.

Don't make them trust and believe in your words if all you have to tell them is a fucking lie.

When you no longer take the time to make sure they feel special to you... That's when the love dies.

To know what you look like on the inside. There's no greater gift.

Please don't ask me to explain myself. I'm not a rocket scientist.

*me at Target* "Hey baby, you want some of this?" *offering to share my chocolate Twizzlers* Her: *calls security* ~Flirting is so hard

Fitness status: just grunted while getting socks out of the laundry basket.

[Morgan Freeman voice] They send you here for life ... and that's exactly what they take. Welcome to Twitter.

I'd rather look back and know that I was strong enough to survive a hard life .... than to have had a life that was too easy.

*Receives wedding invitation* *RSVPs with my dog as my plus one*

My idea of the perfect family holiday is for the bitch to run off with the scuba instructor like in "Along Came Polly". ~romantic AF

It can take me hours or even days to undo the damage that comes with a single self-destructive thought.

Your way sounds super safe and rational. Let's do it my way.

I like to confuse people who give me the finger by responding with jazz hands.