bad and naughty horses get the elmer’s glue hat

This is why we were screaming at the top of our lungs last fall “NO BOTH PARTIES ARE NOT THE SAME”

So everyone in SF is down to be polyamorous but can’t handle sharing an employee?

sent this to a friend who just had her wisdom teeth out

Imagine sitting without insurance in a much-too-crowded rural hospital ER after having chest pains for days, wondering where you'll get the money for any testing, and watching Fox News in the waiting room report the latest round up of Nicaraguan grandmas. Tired of winning yet?

Whenever I feel like life has dealt me a bad hand, I remind myself… at least I’m not Kate Beckinsale’s cat.

the existence of a Reasonable Blackman implies the existence of a Ridiculous Whiteboy

planned parenthood is not just abortions btw. They provide cancer screenings, wellness checkups, std/sti testing and treatment, birth control, pregnancy tests abortion services, as well as access to prenatal care, AND post partum care.

"Eating with your hands is disgusting, because I don't wash my hands before eating"

So, he just told half the country he hates them. Cool.

America First = cutting off your nose to spite your face

Very light 20th c comedy novels are the best reading if you feel general sense of insecurity and upset. Wodehouse, Waugh, Mitford, Pym, Amis Sr., etc

Where do I get one of these government mandated jobs? I’m tired of working hard making 100% commission and only getting paid for producing. Where is the fake laptop jew daycare job I was promised?

Eva Marie Saint and the Caesar salad, born on the same day, 101 years ago. Icons!

Reporter: One of the words you used is widely viewed as an antisemitic phrase… Trump: I’ve never heard it that way to me. It’s someone who is a money lender at high rates. You view it differently than me. I’ve never heard that.

The mob guys called their loan sharks Shylocks/shys because, believe it or not, 20th century mobsters were antisemitic.

And there’s another country I’ve heard of long ago, most dear to them that love her, most great to them that know; we may not count her armies, we may not see her King; her fortress is a faithful heart, her pride is suffering;

and soul by soul and silently her shining bounds increase, and her ways are ways of gentleness and all her paths are peace.

"This Whole Thing Smacks Of Gender," i holler as i overturn my uncle's barbeque grill and turn the 4th of July into the 4th of Shit