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Sometimes I like to prepare myself for a relationship by going to bed angry and on my couch.

😂😂😂😂

A new, young employee at work brought a briefcase on his first day. I told him unless he was part of an active heist or filming “Pulp Fiction 2” the briefcase wasn’t necessary.

Went to the bank today & the teller thanked me for being a “loyal customer of 26 years.” I told her that was the average age of someone at Coachella this weekend. Goodnight.

Strawberry Peak, San Gabriel Mountains 4/21/24. Best part was being DONE and having sushi after. #NoMeGustaHills 😂🍣

Is it really saving money if you order EVERY item on the Happy Hour menu?

Had drinks with a friend tonight and our server asked if we needed parking validation. I told him I needed emotional validation. He said, “your hair looks nice.” #WellPlayed

M̶i̶d̶l̶i̶f̶e̶ C̶r̶i̶s̶i̶s̶ < Midlife Reevaluation.

Watched my debit card get hacked in real time last night as charges for McDonalds, Del Taco and a smoothie place came through. Always nice to know whoever hacked me also had the munchies.

It’s cool being so broke that even if you do get hacked, all they can charge is a burrito.

It may have taken a couple years, but I am finally starting to feel a little more “at home” here in Los Angeles. Also, I just got my car washed so I’m feeling EXTRA cocky today.

“Is that one of the sons from Milf Manor 2?” -actual thought I just had at a stoplight

Being an empath is really empowering because you can eat other people’s feelings, too.

And sometimes, you just need to call your parents to hear the words, “we love you.”

Nothing feels better than when your therapist/counselor recognizes your growth and says, “I’m so proud of you.”

Being an adult means committing to things you think will be fun and then wishing you were at home in your pj’s the entire time.

Kaftans are formalwear for women over 40.

I wish we could “control-alt-delete” 2025.

So far, 2025 has been a bit of an ass-kicker. But there are glimmers of light, and moments of excitement. Was honored to host for Jay Leno a couple nights ago at The Comedy & Magic Club in Hermosa Beach. 🙏