New episode out now! Pete and I talk cursed movie sets and the many options you have for your remains.

I was led to believe when I started doing standup that I’d be hearing The Aristocrats joke way more often than I have.

Landed in Seattle and waiting on the runway. The pilot just came on the intercom and said “we promise we’re in Seattle. We promise.” So l…I’m thinking there’s more news coming.

ok so in the moment it seemed like a great first date but now that i haven’t heard from him i’m remembering i talked about ghosts, like, A LOT and the topic did not come up organically

I’m trying out a standup clip on here, I promise to do this only once a year unless it works

Dr: you are having an asthma attack Me: listen if I’m having anything it’s a great time being so chill 😎 Dr: no

The only way I will go to an orgy is if everyone involved loves me very much and doesn’t like each other at all

Instagram is millennials trying to convince everyone that their life is better than it is, TikTok is gen z trying to convince everyone that it’s worse.

Just trying to show I’m on the grind (it’s me, I’m the friend)

Live laugh lose it on stage

They can climb but can they love?

Heads up everyone, rage rooms aren’t fire proof and they are ALARMED if you ask about it

I have 2 therapists but so far I’m still really into twilight and not much else

Objectively there are only two funny things: 1. Animals in negative romantic situations ie lizards getting divorced 2. Ants (they’re so small, like what is that)

First dates are scary because you could get there and the first thing the person says could be “are u ready to party?!” Like no absolutely not that is so inappropriate

if you think those blow up Santa’s aren’t coming to life at night to kill, i’ve got a plot of land on the moon you might be interested in

Walking into the club like Shadow at the end of Homeward Bound

Me: What if I’m doing too much therapy? Like what if I become TOO calm and zen and stop reacting to stuff? Therapist: …. Me: …??? Therapist: …that’s not something you need to worry about.