if you're a young person, ask a middle-aged man what music they listened to in the 90s. let them talk for 30 mins. act interested and say "oh wow no way that's so cool." after that you can ask them for any favor

My daughters have happened upon a film called “Frozen” — have you heard about this thing?

flying with my children tomorrow 😬😬😬

Love bringing my kids to the Pacific time zone. You can get SO MUCH DONE when your day starts at 3am. We’ve been given the gift of time! 🥴🥴🥴

JASON STATHAM: Me own private Idaho... last fing I fuckin needed

ME: I really loved [book/film] so much. I can’t recommend it enough FRIEND: okay cool, I’ll check it out **NEXT TIME I SEE THEM…** FRIEND: So I checked out [book/film]… ME: YES! And? FRIEND: What the fuck, man? That shit made me want to KILL MYSELF! ME: 😶

I have tennis elbow from sun screening my children

just read a house listing for a $1.7M house that said “Great way to get into the market” 😐🔫

I was with my kid at the paediatrician’s and in the waiting rm a 7YO asked his mom if he could play on her phone and she said “No, maybe we could have a conversation instead” And I was like “good for her!” But then she said “Do you think AI will destroy humanity or be helpful?”

I have Bluesky codes. Anyone want em?

WIFE: just a heads up, both of our children are saying “goddammit” when they’re frustrated… ME: 😐 WIFE: and the 5YO said she says it because YOU say it… ME: 😐 WIFE …and then while we were talking about it, we heard you yell “goddammit” loudly from the basement ME: 😑

Oop, time for the Toronto Airshow. Hopefully every toddler in the city isn't laying down for a nap between 12-2pm the next three days!

credit to who ever got this photo

the ‘23 toronto blue jays:

every ad on here is like: bruh this AI is running my portfolio and it's got my crossfit boss PISSED. let me show you how.

“Dad I’m starting a diary and it’s going to say RUDE THINGS.” -the 2YO

Give me more anxiety, Blue Jays. I’m ready.

the daily show not giving the job to roy wood jr. is the tv show equivalent of throwing a pass from the goal line instead of handing it off to beastmode

For a narrative podcast series, I need to hire 2 voice actors. A Canadian Male in their 50s/60s. Warm, friendly, with pathos. A Canadian Female in their early 20s, capable of believably sounding like a 16YO in a dramatic role. Email me at samsmullins [AT] gmail [DOT] com