#LunchPun When I worked with the overhead power line team they used to spontaneously jump on top of people at random…PYLON!

I've just finished writing a book about all the things I should have done. My oughtabiography goes on sale next week. #LunchPun

I only get to spend a few minutes each day on my wooden carving of our local Tesco but every whittle helps! #lunchpun

Colourblindness can come completely out of the green. #lunchpun

My local clay pigeon club has door marked. "PULL... PULL ... PULL". #LunchPun

Went to Scotland Big Game Hunting. Came back with Giant Jenga. #lunchpun

#LunchPun #UxbridgeEnglishDictionary REBUFFED - to have polished something more than once.

#LunchPun The most argumentative gunslinger in the old Wild West was Clammy Pete…he always stuck to his guns.

Yes, I know my mate was a serial arsonist. But you couldn’t deny that wherever he went, he lit up a room. #LunchPun

My brother and I had a competition to see who could be first to recognise a piece of IKEA furniture our dad attempted to assemble. Neither of us had a clue what it was, so we decided to call it a drawer. #LunchPun

A women has been arrested for swearing at the Somerset Scrumpy festival, she was suffering from severe Cider Fecks. #LunchPun

Welcome to the reverse origami show! See the magic unfold! #LunchPun

Sister Mary discovered the original Ark behind a wooden enclosure and then dissappeared. Headline: Noah Fence, Nun Taken. #lunchpun

My skill at making wonky train tracks is unparalleled. #LunchPun

#LunchPun I’ve just competed in the National Holes in Jeans Repairing Competition…but I wasn’t consistent enough to win…just good in patches

I’ve just bought a Sat Nav, it’s good, but it’s not unusual. It’s called a Tom Tom Jones #lunchpun

#LunchPun Glad to say that I am back on good terms with my imaginary friend…I’m happy…& he’s made up

I’m dressing up as Kate Bush and telling jokes as I travel up a steep incline. I’ll be punning up that hill. #LunchPun

A tailor's van crashed and spilled it's contents all over a level crossing. Trains were delayed because of sleeves on the line #LunchPun

#LunchPun I used to be terrible at Blow Football…I really sucked