Me on every vacation: “Honestly, maybe I’m a nudist!”

Hi hello should I have my 3rd cheeseburger this week?

Brock Turners grow up to be Brett Kavanaughs who make the rules for Brock Turners.

I can’t fucking believe I have to go wait tables tonight

A white supremacist kills 2 African-Americans at a store. A right-wing extremist is caught mailing bombs. An anti-Semite kills multiple people in a synagogue. Thats’s just the past 3 days. They’re all domestic terrorists. Terrorists don’t get radicalized by the tooth fairy.

Almost middle age is saying “Where the heck were these YESTERDAY?” outloud on the second day in a row browsing at Marshall’s for ATHLEISURE WEAR, specifically JOGGERS.

As a pregnant person I think about different combos of breads, jams, jellies and cheese more than almost anything, including this political hellscape and my hopes and dreams about becoming a parent

Who is the person you text pictures to of the jams/jellies section of your local grocery store? Mine is John DeVore

After a long, very productive day, instead of treating myself, I like to just sit at home, alone, worrying, uninterrupted - heaven!

Last night at a wedding I said to my boyfriend “check out that table of Cousin Gregs” and I think we’ll all be saying things like that for a looooong time

Home | Park Slope Parents i’m finishing my self because you know M Xc M. ZNB Z MxnbcBVZ. @ . ‘. @qqqq #. @@. @ #. @ # # # #. @. parkslopeparents.com

We have watched This is Spinal Tap 3 times in the last 3 weeks and so should you

My mom: “Did I show you the mask I made out of a bra?” Me: “No, but that’s a good idea!” My mom: “Well, you know, I don’t wear bras anymore!” My mom, living her best life!

I don’t love being so emotionally and physically exhausted that I go to bed at 8:45pm every night and wake up at 5:30am, but I don’t NOT love it.

Never a better time to take up jogging than while sheltering in place with your in-laws and yeah I said jogging

Good God inject teen love straight into my veins, there is no better thing to watch on a rainy day than #NormalPeople

Anyone else in NYC seeing SO MANY men spitting on the street within a few ft of other people? I’ve said “That’s a really stupid thing to do” to 10 men this week. Most of them have told me to fuck myself in 1 way or another. Today for the 1st time one said “sorry, you’re right.”

I fucking LOVE how much Terry Gross says “like” - this is not sarcasm, I am genuinely so soothed by it.

I got my period in the 35 min between therapy and my monthly women’s meeting so i guess this can only mean one thing: holy hell am I going to buy a lot of plants today!