Fruit by the foot, but with cheese. That should be a thing right?

If you've never made her laugh You've probably never made her cum

So, you wanna come back to my place? I have 3 kids in desperate need of a questionable father figure.😉 -See? Flirting is easy

Wine never disappoints.

I must be wicked, because I damn sure get no rest.

Omg. Pajamas? These mothers gotta get their shit together... I think to myself as I do my hair in the school drop off line.

Feeling rather salty today.

An orgasm a day keeps the clingy boys away.

I'm awake. Where's my coffee?

I feel like a bird stuck in one of those plastic 6 pack rings.

Just wrong getting up this early.

Happy Friday and other lies.

Horny dudes unfollow when I don't respond to your DM: go back to your mom's basement

You're my sexual spirit animal

*Quietly lights all your expectations of me on fire*

At least the gym isn't busy this early.

Dudes are needier than chicks. It's a fact.

Your tiny penis isn't impressive. Carry on.

✌🏻