I came I saw I am still here Let’s get this party going #twitter

They say: “In 5 years my follower count and business have grown by 500%” I say: “Let’s compare revenue in those 5 years” Yep.

I get two totally different emotions with this kind of text from an unsaved number. The first is like a kid at Christmas because I’m about to have some fun with this poor person. The other is anxiety that I’m about to be told I have a 10 year old son I didn’t know about.

When you wake up and say “I have no patience for social media today” so you stay off of LinkedIn but head to Twitter. Yep.

Clients “aren’t always right” and it’s ok to let them know that. Just be creative in how you do it. #sales

How many of you DON’T read books often or at all? 🙋🏼‍♂️ I start them and them and then think of 289 other things I could be doing then set them down and tell myself I’ll get back to it, knowing there’s 0 chance. Hoping to find a few friends in that group.

One of the first games my Dad taught me was “pull my finger.” He’s 70, still rips farts and laughs at them every time. Oh yeah, he’s also highly successful. Success doesn’t have to be lame. Here’s to keeping it “un” lame.

To the guy at the Mexican buffet who was careful enough to hold his taco over the queso bowl so that the queso he was dumping onto them went back into the bowl while dripping through his fingers so not waste it for me… Thank you. You did me a favor. I now avoid buffets.

There’s like three people in my neighborhood who walk every morning and when you wave “hi” at them they just stare at you like you’re an idiot. I’m thinking tomorrow I stand on the edge of my driveway naked and scratch my balls as they pass instead of waving.

Them: “I just hit 50 followers” #twitter #FolloMe

Who else remembers having to wait on your brother/sister to get off the house phone so you could use it to talk in your sexy voice only to have your Mom pickup while you were telling your girlfriend “I miss your nipples”? The kids reading this are lost right now. Tough days.

In a world of a bunch of stiff people who now all get their feelings hurt, someone still has a sense of humor. We need more of you.

I love “expert” takes. DT

Dang…the NFL season and Suzy Kolber go together like peanut butter and jelly. ESPN , you won’t be nearly as enjoyable.

Another year of turning off an ESPN broadcast because they can never get it right. Ryan Clark acts like he’s paid just to make viewers angry. Bring back Suzy Kolber

Listening to RG3 is like the kid sitting behind you on a plane kicking your seat. MondayNightFootball why can’t you ever get it right?

RG3 tried to break a play down and even he realized in the middle of it he’s over his head. ESPN get this dude off of games.

Another game of listening to Robert Griffin III. God is punishing me.