I love chipotle so much I wish they had a gang sign I would throw that shit up so fucking hard

“tea is nasty, it's for old people” me:

i’m up thinking bout a seafood boil

i swear i’m listening

i know chicken wings be scared to see me coming.

me staring at the pickle on your plate wondering if I could have it

*me getting my oil changed* mechanic: “we’ve also notice that—“ me:

i hate when mfs come in the crib and don't speak to the dogs. say hi to milo bitch 😭

so rdy for 🍂🎃🕸️🕷️👻🦃🤎❄️☃️🎄🎁🎅🏼

9 times out of 10 i'm at the crib just like this:

“Imma call you right back” Me:

anytime someone i’m out to eat with got a pickle on their plate this how i look at them so they’ll give it to me

i love pinterest. no opinions. no bad vibes. just pretty pictures.

stop selling 2 piece sets separate u greedy bastards

i should be eating tiramisu right now