the only career path im interested in is being one of those tiktok live girls that just models a companys wigs all day

leonardo dicaprio throwing his fist in the air rn

my cars backup camera every time a leaf moves on the ground

they dont want their guns taken away not because “they have a right to protect their home” its because they know they could never live up to kevin mcallister so they have to do it the cowards way

nurse shes listening to MCR again

need to have just a single appointment with a psychologist where i only tell them my favorite romcom is shes the man and then they just diagnose everything based solely on that

girlies rolled up their gym shorts to look hot. i rolled up my gym shorts to stop the unbridled sensory issue horror of the exposed elastic. we are not the same

love that cats have a legal name but then just somehow end up being unofficially renamed something like “big booty chimichanga”

i am normal and can be trusted to not exceed the maximum daily dosage of Tums Smoothies™️

how it feels when your cat wants a lil bite of your food as a treat but google says they cant have any

an app that sends you reminder notifications but every time it does it plays the “lets go girls” part of man I feel like a woman at full volume and bypasses silent and do not disturb. developers feel free to steal that that ones on me

apple needs to come up with something for the girls that carry their phone in their hand i get out of a store and suddenly i got 28 photos of my knee, a timer for 12 hours and 54 minutes, my phone is blasting fireflies by owl city, and im screen mirroring to samsung QR1244XLPAV

i love going to spirit halloween when they open in august bc all the employees know ur a stupid little goth freak