I really want an ex wife someday so I have the chance to prove I can stay on good terms with her

sometimes I think about how I’m never going to make it in comedy because something like this will get more views than anything I will ever create. I guess that’s fine, what can you do?

actively going through a divorce is one of the best things that can happen to a bob dylan fan. it’s the way a lot of his music is meant to be heard. like seeing movies high, it amplifies the experience

every wallet I’ve ever owned is a gift from a woman I am no longer on speaking terms with

from 2014 - 2024 I did not spend a single valentines day alone. 10 years of excellence in the field of romance comes to an end this year, but my free agent status has many talent scouts talking

I think i would be able to explain the plot of Elder scrolls III to olivia rodrigo in 3 minutes and 30 seconds and use the 90 remaining seconds to exchange unforgettably witty, biting repartee

in these trying times i remind myself that Bob Dylan was once down so bad that he converted to christianity

I did speed dating for the first time and several women asked me to tell them a joke so I explained my famous one where I drink piss out of my ex old lady’s hydroflask. they pretended to like it but I could tell they didn’t.

yeah I guess you could say I got a kiss last night 😏

bro get your ass out here stat. the club is absolutely crawling with honeys that have an affinity for hidden camera prank shows

my lady troubles are over 😌

I think Trump would have a lot of fun reading the lyrics to Desolation Row out loud

people on the train should give up their seat when a guy is reading a big book

I hate how skinny Bruce looks here. The boss is not lanky. The boss is jacked

this is what Tim should do when he wins on Sunday

it makes me very glad to know both a new wes and a new pta are on the horizon

do you think Bob Dylan has ever had sex with the harmonica holder on?

Innovating

this is what makes movies good

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