My phone didn’t make a sound. Am I dead? #emergencyalert

Remembering the time a bit of my standup was on BBC Radio 4 I hope Taylor and Tom are doing well. bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/p0…

Thinking of Diana #Coronation

One year booze free today #sobercurious

It’s the best day of Wimbledon Today we get to see the men’s semis #newballsplease

🚨 NO ONE has lost their job or been arrested for the PPE scandal 🚨 NO ONE has lost their job or been arrested for the BILLIONS £’s lost as “fraud” during the pandemic 🚨NO ONE has lost their job or been arrested for the tragedy of Grenfel Tower & the deaths of 72 people 🤬But

Alan Partridge meets #DanWootton is the only thing you need to hear right now. From this week’s #TheSkewer BBC Radio 4. Do please share, as it’ll annoy him.

Fasten your seatbelts for more fashion advice from me for ranvir singh on Lorraine

Why doesn’t Phil Vickery ever cook duck when Andi Peters is presenting This Morning ?

7 years ago I’d just finished doing my first solo show Edinburgh Festival Fringe with Gilded Balloon What an incredible experience and got some cracking reviews. #edfringe #standupcomedy #comedy #lgbtqcomedy #lgbtq #badgay

You’ve got to hand it to Russell Brand; painting himself as an outlier and rebel, persecuted by the system, when the reason why this took so long to come out was he has lots of money and power that allowed him to use the system to be quite litigiously nasty.

A short statement from me. Please retweet. Thank you.

Blended cows anus? Surely that’s called Bummus I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! #ImACeleb #ImACelebrity

Hi Samsung UK why does my telly seem to hate Prince Harry?

When you’ve got diarrhoea incoming but you can’t run cos that’ll unleash hell.

Sharon and Louis Big Brother UK

Sharon and Louis are like the Thursday Murder Club on diazepam Big Brother UK #CBBUK

My favourite time of year. At Wimbledon today we get to watch the men’s semis. #Wimbledon

I think the #Paris2024 opening ceremony was planned by a committee that never met.

The only thing that could save the #Paris2024 #openingceremony is if they set light to the Eiffel Tower.