Celebrating birthdays is the ultimate sheep behavior You can’t remember the date yourself. You’re literally just believing what a bunch of people told you. Or having faith in your birth certificate (the government)

“That’s dumb. They’re dumb.” Is a perfect retort to anything a newscaster asks you to comment on

rip internet. it was fun while it lasted

> be apple > richest company in the world, every advantage imaginable > go all in on AI, make countless promises > get immediately lapped by everyone > 2 years into the race, nothing to show for it > give up, write a paper about how it's all fake and gay and doesn't matter anyway

Donald Trump and Elon Musk at UFC 316 tonight:

Yo we’re married now

They don’t put the real bones on display so you’re spending your Saturday night looking at plaster molds trying to be cool

Wait when you search using Facebook or instagram’s ai, they post the question and answer on a public feed with your username? Do people know this? People’s voice notes to meta ai are also being posted automatically on the feed

Hey can we push the meeting back 30 minutes? My wife packed me sliced apples for breakfast and they’re going to turn brown soon

The rizzler is hanging out with queens of the Stone Age

Where does this guy think he’s going

Does anyone even know what my pfp means in 2025

Albuquerque must be an insane place to live The toughest man on earth just runs around wreaking havoc. He’s always drunkenly crashing his car and firing his gun in the air And no one can do anything about it It’s like if Batman lived in your city but he was an evil alcoholic

4 year old me watching spongebob and patrick sweep the floors of the krusty krab with the stick side of the broom

Once you learn how music works it absolutely ruins the magic I learned how to play all my favorite songs on guitar and now they sound like shit

Look what just happened 2 hours ago The brother is a literal billionaire now

The hilarious thing about this inspiring quote is that the question was “how do you do business in the era of cancel culture” And he replied “I compare it to being gay in the 80s-” and then the rest of the quote is this video lol

- 1m likes on crocs tweet - michelle obama read my biden memes on camera - inventor of “I ain’t readin all that” meme - hired to run many brand accounts you’ve definitely heard of - hit it big in crypto (like big big) - dont really make funny tweets anymore but still love you all

Guy got thrown so hard it looks like he was photoshopped into the frame

“The big bang theory doesn’t make sense” Buddy nothing makes sense. What the hell is a black hole We don’t even know what’s at the bottom of the ocean You’re reading this message on a rectangle of melted sand with a chip inside that harnesses the power of lightning