If you hear me cuss a lot it's because I'm an adult and I do what I want.

Somebody should tell the people on LinkedIn that not every situation is a life lesson. Unless the lesson is you're a dillweed.

Went to Comic Con LA and was like a kid in a candy store with all the amazing cosplay!

Make movies 90 minutes again.

Friendly reminder that most of the discourse you see on Twitter is caused by an algorithm to make you angry/emotional

My robot vaccuum just got trapped in the legs of the barstool and this is reason 76543578 I'm not super worried about SkyNet.

What's Irish and stays outside all year? ......Patty O'Furniture It's ok if you need to block me after that. I understand.

Dogs will maintain eye contact with you while licking their own genitals please stop acting like humans are the dominant species.

Blocking anyone who's talking about Christmas already. Kindly bugger off with all that.

Real talk, what ARE you gunna to do with all that junk inside that trunk?

If you were to sum up my personality in one picture, it's this one...

Does NO ONE appreciate that I'm doing my mediumest?

Well, almost Halloween, so I guess it's time to buy candy.........to replace the two bags of candy we already finished.

Me: The Ween's Eve is upon us✨️ Also me: lol that's what she said

Do kids still eat Tide Pods? I forgot to buy candy.

What’s your top 3?

Halloween 2024 🎃

I always feel so heroic when I save daylight.