I’m going to start sending invoices for water charges to Adobe. They can’t prove that all the water they drink isn’t mine, it’s all mixed together.

Treating myself by turning on the central heating for an hour.

I always thought ELO's 'Evil Woman' was sung 'Medieval Woman'. Wrong again.

Do you think Elon is purposefully destroying twitter, like on behalf of a shadow organisation prepping for war? Like the Russians always threatening to blow up the big internet cable at sea?

Those Rhythm of Korea adverts are fantastic. 👌

Ah yes, I like hip hop. Are you fellow cool kids into the PlayStation?

Actual genius at work.

Had a dream last night I was at an awards ceremony. I met Idris Elba, and Bill Murray, who I told I was going to steal his dog. I remember clapping for winners feeling really weird, which leads me to think I was clapping IRL while asleep!

Having a new floor installed in my bathroom, and my basement neighbour has decided to throw a tantrum in retaliation to the noise by playing very loud hardcore metal music, and mashing the keys on his piano. 😀

The Rust community has a strange dichotomy. On one hand you have helpful players willing to teach new players how to play the game, on the other, zero morality incels who openly call you the N-word, and are glad your Mum died of cancer. My bi-weekly 'why do I play Rust?'

Someone in my building is cooking, and the smell of garlic and onions has made me so hungry I could eat my own hand!

I love that Andrew Tate’s resting face is “was that a shart?”.

British Gas really do be taking the piss.

I always knew the Dalia Lama was a wrong’un.

Ryan Gosling’s Avatar SNL skit is still one of the best pieces of cinema I have ever seen.

Took some me time today

The heat I radiate as a fat person, when it hits 23c

“Is my annual income more than 30 times my monthly rent”?! How does saying no to this stop me from viewing a flat. I am in full time employment. What fuckery is this. #scottishlandlordoftheyear

Every YouTuber out here being sus as hell, always coming out with "I'm not going to lie". What you hiding?