Ugh, another cell phone bill! I just paid it last month!

What's the age again where you start tucking in your polo shirt into your pants?

That’s it! Starting next year I’m getting into shape!

I know summer’s here now because today marks the first day I sweated from the heat, instead of from being fat and out of shape! #SundayMorning #summer

According to every movie set in New Orleans, everyday is Mardi Gras

Friend: What did you have for dinner? Me: a big bag of BBQ chips. Friend: Really? Me: No, I was lying....I had two bags of chips.

Bit late with this, but Kevin Brennan - GREAT COMIC & Lenny Marcus both killed on Friday's Cellar show, thx Liz NOT affiliated with the world famous comedy cellar for setting resos.

Getting a haircut in your 30's is 20 minutes of you staring into a mirror saying "Where did it go all wrong"

Solving a crime in Law & Order is so easy, it's always the most recognizable actor. #LawandOrder #NBC

I don't buy clothes that fit, I buy clothes in the size I think I'm going to be in 1 month, even though I haven't been to the gym in 2 years

Made my reservation for Keeping Joe for Nov 7th. To see The Kid Sam Morril and NOT affiliated with the world famous comedy cellar Joe Machi Phil Hanley

Are any of you from Toronto?

ROTFL!! Super Funny Set by Rob Carmona comicseen.com/2017/11/02/rob… | LOL!! Check his set out youtu.be/aWSlKPDk6Bg | #ComicSeen

On of those rarest sightings Kevin Brennan - GREAT COMIC and Liz NOT affiliated with the world famous comedy cellar sitting beside each other...voluntarily.

Kevin Brennan - GREAT COMIC NOT affiliated with the world famous comedy cellar "One of those rare sightings" I meant, but you get the point

Hey you, you're not impressing anyone by reading a book on the subway, just check out Instagram pics like the rest of us, okay?

The worst part of being single are my collection of McDonald's "2 Can Dine..." coupons going to waste.

I have never gone more than 2 hours without eating fast food after saying "that's it, I'm going to start eating healthy"

I always spend some time motivating myself right before I go for a run, it's now been 4 years of motivation, I think 1 more should do it! #running #stayinshape