If Alan Sugar told me I was fired I’d simply say fuck off.

My the apprentice name would be fuck off the apprentice how are you still on the telly.

Mark Menzies probably meant WH Smith when he said bad people because his name is similar to former WH Smith rivals John Menzies.

Mark Menzies sounds like John Menzies the old stationary and book store but instead of John he’s called Mark.

The Tory MPs seem to drink like I did in my 20s but they are mainly middle aged to old guys embarrassing themselves.

I wouldn’t say my childhood was hard but my mum sometimes dusted after she had hoovered.

Nik Naks nice ‘n spicy coated pork with egg fried rice. I might mad or genius. Taste buds said not genius David but it was very tasty.

Me looking back at the queue when I take the last sausage roll at Greggs

Cake I had a quick browse and meh, didn't follow

Mammoth is coming! BBC Two 10pm on Wednesday, and BBC iPlayer #Mammoth 🦣🦣🦣

People are now are pitching to me like I’m Cadbury’s. I’m not Cadbury’s and can’t make your checks tweet 4 finger chunky KitKat, which when I last checked weren’t even Cadbury’s

Impressive farting her bag nearly to the end of the bench.

Tempted by the fruit of a corner

Updated Squeeze songs

It’s not even my tweet anymore. It’s left home and will make its own mistakes but importantly make its own achievements.

read a comment referring to joker movie obsessors that said ‘of course you think a pool is deep if you’ve never been in the ocean’ and honestly it made me cum

I’m the best person on here