This place has giant telepathic spiders, eleven 9/11s, aaaand the best ice cream in the multiverse!

Someone get me a goddamn Jan Michael Vincent!

"Grandpa, is this a Scenario 3?" "Who are you? Who am I?" "Wow, it's a Scenario 4."

I've seen some nerve gas, but damn, that gas has some nerve!

I have a Beth just like you in my dimension. Only you know what? She isn't as smart or attractive.

Alright, Morty, this'll make your piss drinkable. Now can we keep shopping?

I am Presidentress of the Megagargantuans. We named ourselves before learning we were small.

I masturbated to an extra-curvy piece of driftwood yesterday!

This seems like a good time for a drink and a cold calculated speech with sinister overtones, a speech about politics, about order, brotherhood, power. But speeches are for campaigning. Now is the time for action.

The path your father and I walked together is soaked deeply in the blood of both friend and enemy.

Are you joking me? I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us. Look at that thing right there. What the hell is that thing?

And that's the waaaayyy the news goes!

I know this is your world, not mine. The sooner I get out, the sooner I can get back to taking big craps, and you can go back to subsisting on them.

Cute. Your sister's boss gave me a microscope that would have made me retarded.

"Pickle man! You should know this isn't personal!" "You should know that isn't original!"

"I've been trying to help Jerry for two days! An eternity in Meeseeks time!" "Your failures are your own, old man!"

Excuse me. Coming through. What are you here for? Just kidding, I don't care.

"Rick and Morty were here?" "Of course they were here. They can shrink instantly and teleport."

"They're the first line of defense against evil! The guardians of the unguarded!" "They're the writers of their own press releases."

We bailed on that reality and we came to this one, because in this one, the world wasn't destroyed, and in this one, we were dead!