Handy, proven tip for affordable living in the United States: Pull your own teeth.

Yo wtf The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel is so dope, I’m mad fucked up rn about the attention to detail and the family structure shit in this series aside from the obvious power of Miriam, shit.

When I’m old and alone I hope the young people in the neighborhood make up wild ass stories about me. I think I’d wear it well.

So, I’ve investing in stonks. Lots of good moves that I feel fairly confident about, but this 145,204 shares I purchased of DOGECOIN might be risky.

I just peed and it smelled like dirty blonde hair.

I just got fucked so hard by the government and they literally told me they’re not gonna call me back.

Heads up: the old man at the gas station who says very obvious things ain’t what you think. He’s trying to engage you to say something back when we normally wouldn’t say shit. this shit chess I’m out here playing checkers smdh 🙄🙄

“Ha-haaaa, I like that bro. That’s what they call white foolery huh?” -Chris Flores “complimenting” me.

I just spiraled the absolute lowest I have in my history in less than 12 parsecs.

The dog days are over.

Nobody loves no one.

Things are so real until they’re actually real

Lord, If you can hear me won’t you throw a damn dog a bone. On God on God. Respectfully.

Taking a step backwards to slingshot myself forwards and I got my own back.

My favorite part of the X-Men animated series from the 90s is how Morph dies in the second episode.

If one more person calls a garbanzo bean a chickpea I’m gonna flip my fucking pizza oven.

I think part of my schtick is hanging out at biker bars in the off season.

That’s just my ESP. No, not extra sensory projection; my emotional support pumpkin.

Everytime I’m about to eat shit and die I just don’t. How am I this lucky?

I can’t help it; I’m a power-pisser.