None of this ever happened.

Jake Humphrey sees a gap and nips across a busy road while his fellow pedestrians stand around waiting for the green man. “Champions take their chances!” he yelled back at them

Stop forcing women's football on people, it's shite

TOTP ‘97 Christmas special tonight

Anyone watching Mark Goldbridge stream of a post-season friendly in Hong Kong

Just heard a Scissor Sisters song on the radio

Mind is blown

SCOOP. Do you think before you tweet?

Out for a few this afternoon is it?

Good. Fuck ‘em 👍🏻 Who’d have thought that making people pay north of £100 a month across multiple platforms (and still not being able to see every game) would mean they’d look for alternative means🙄 bbc.co.uk/news/articles/…

Henry Winter Sorry H, I’m not reading all that. Hope you’re well.

Got a feeling Inter will do it tonight

Rio Ferdinand describing Qatari state-owned PSG beating a team with less than half their revenue and a wage bill a third of the size of theirs as 'a win for football'.

Tulisa Contostavlos reveals her N-Dubz bandmate Gordon ‘Fazer’ Lacey has helped her find a loophole that allows her to carry on selling disposable vapes at her vape store in Tower Hamlets. “All we had to do is register it as a charity shop,” she grinned

We all like a good sing song lads but on public transport when on the way to or from being forced to slave away for our capitalist overlords - would it be too much trouble to simply SHUT THE FUCK UP LADS

Monday tomorrow

What man, husband and father. Strength beyond comprehension. Sending love to those who were lucky to be close to him. Rest in peace Gaz. xxx

Gaz was one of the good guys, a genuine top bloke and a true Arsenal man. It’s a very sad day today. Rest in peace, mate.

Now disposable vapes are banned just watch how quickly male society returns to being manly. More fighting in pubs. Wolf whistling at busty stunners from scaffolding. Less online betting, more standing about in the bookies. No texting at the urinal (proper pissing)

Oh mate this is fucking ECSTASY. That salty elbowed cunt being turfed out of somewhere he thinks he can just waltz in and suck the celebrity dong. Inject this into my gaping anus. Cunt