gorgeous gorgeous girls have a dog as their bestfriend

Tracking number isn’t enough, I need to be on the delivery drivers private story.

it's really cute when pets sigh. like what ails u lil buddy

#bestbaraxis

being single sucks when u have to designate an emergency contact bc what? my dad's gonna fly to burbank when i faint at a pilates studio?

‘ Creep ‘ by Radio Head is a song i would listen to if i was a creep or a weirdo . unfortunatly im a beautiful , normal girl with big breasts & an IQ of 200

Today is my birthday. I’m not a big birthday guy. Everybody gets born. It’s nothing to be proud of. So instead of birthday wishes I’d ask you to sent 1 negative tweet to any of my enemies. Do not threaten them. Just remind them that they stink. Thank you.

#BestBarAxis

These rent prices are looking very RELATIONSHIP to me.

getting sucked inside the jumanji game for 30 years is starting to sound pretty good at this point

“im glad im out of that stage. y’all are adult missing now, you’re on your own” my dad, about his children going missing

when I press the scary button to reset the outlet and it works

goodbye. To prison they go