FUCK THE HULK HOGAN

mentally exhausted—my brain’s basically a zombie staggering through a circus of chaos. who else is out here screaming ‘send help’ into the void?

Hosting a Red Cross blood drive tomorrow. None of you are invited. Love you.

Damaged people like you and I, help damaged people like you and I.

A poem is like a fuck I have run Out of them (the end)

I had a really fun set telling a lot of new jokes last night and then I went dancing with my friends and my bf ( :

If women ran the world, there would be more stay at home dads.

Cute first date idea: hit me over the head with a shovel

Rest in peace, Val ❤️

Kreider cleans up a rebound and backhands it in to put the #NYR on top, 3-2, with 12:39 remaining in the second period.

Such a lonely day and it's mine.

Find someone who will treat you like a lady and hold the medicine cabinet door open for you

Dudes, idk if you knew this but women like when you wear grey sweatpants because they can see the outline of your wiener. Stay safe out there, kings

Is being dead inside a hobby?

adele: but i set fire to the rain salem witch trials: that’s kind of why we’re here