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Did you stare at the eclipse today?

If you masturbated to the eclipse, you’re definitely going blind.

Snoochie

Zach Wilson traded to the Broncos for some coloring books and Chuck-E-Cheese play coupons.

Paramount+ is your place for updates and WHAT?!?!

Today is “National Don’t Call Your IT Department With Stupid Questions Your Dumb Ass Should Be Able To Figure Out Yourself” Day.

Ordered donuts today like a human being. #XFL

We are the no whale juice league. #XFL

Congratulations to CeeDee Lamb for signing for a buttload of guaranteed cash. The buttload is so big, he can crap out a shitload and still be left with a buttload. How about sending us a nugget that you can’t flush? What do you say CeeDee Lamb? #XFL

Who has the best chance to lead the New York Giants to the Super Bowl? #XFL

We would make snarky Daniel Jones comment, but nothing we can say is funnier than his “performance” against the Vikings.

Giants fans: Daniel Jones is the worst starting QB in the NFL. Aaron Rodgers: Hold my ivermectin.

We had concepts of a league.

So sorry your team lost today. Here’s a disco dancing T-Rex. #XFL

What was the name of Batman’s butler? #XFL

Who was Luke Skywalker’s father? #XFL

Where is the best place to store onions 🧅? #XFL

You’re not winning the Super Bowl, Jets fans. But you can sign Sam Darnold as a free agent in the offseason.

If you have a Royal Flush, what are you doing? #XFL

Watching highlights of last night’s World Series game…