Nestor Cortes taking the mound against the Yankees today

It's funny when people say colleges indoctrinate their students I went to college and I promise you, I was not indoctrinated at all... Mainly because I was always hungover and never paid attention in class

RIP to everyone that has ever died. WE MISS YOU MFERS!!! 🙏 ❤️

I don't mind women going into space. As long as they're not doing comedy

This is what twitter is like now

Saw a girl with small tits wearing a Hooters shirt and I think that's the equivalent of fat dudes wearing sports jerseys

Not allowed back at the beach now because apparently a jellyfish has to sting someone BEFORE you start peeing on people smh

Happy NFL Draft Day!

Two weeks sober! ...don't be proud of me. I'm not trying. Just been busy. I'm actually looking if anyone would like to get drinks tn

If the Raiders were still in Oakland, they would've drafted Shadeur

Watching Kentucky Derby coverage and I've decided I would like to be a rich white man

Lol every owner is an old white guy and every jockey is a 5'2 mexican I love this sport

Ngl these horses are jacked 💪 #KentuckyDerby

Is this the 2016 US Presidential Election? Because Journalism lost #KentuckyDerby

Happy Cinco de Mayo from the only gringo in my high school who ever wore a shirt that said Viva La Raza #RIPEddieGuerrero

100 gorillas vs one guy listening to thunderstruck by AC/DC

Okay this new pope is cool

At the gun show with the boys Matt Maran

I hope this email finds you (at the bottom of a) well...

Hot take: Every weekend should be a 3-day weekend