Ahh well I get to use the bus service to appreciate how truly shit it is , an old person mid stroke with gaut just passed us by

Spose it cud worse I cud b living in reading where u go through shit to end up in a shit place

Evasive manoeuvres, avoid cutting grass - not like the shits going anywhere, if it did the problem would have resolved itself

Its not cos I'm lazy, its thru conviction I am convimced I enjoy chilling more than exherting effort esp on a sunday

I'm losing my grip on reality, I have subscribed to a newsfeed and theonion

Now I have a smartphone I can be considered a sentient being again, especially as its not an iphone

I need new trainers when is the peckham spring kicking off - jd sports here I come

One awesome thing about being sick is to cure yourself u shud do as little effort as possible - this is my ideal job

I managed to avoid chores, family duties and spread the flu so kids r too ill to make a noise - result

Could we all have a whip around to make hayes less shit, seems like people prefer death to living there

Suggestion, a nice cappucino machine or bouncy castle-make em feel there's stuff to live for so they choose to sit in the train not under it

Mate said this, batman aint no superhero. He didn't rescue those 12 people that got killed in the cinema

do you reckon if some one actually blew up that air port but didnt tweet about it they could get off scott free - hmmm...

thought of a rebuttal for racists , more classy than yo mama, here goes

if a racist says to you on the street go back home, say I am headed there, conversely you are on the street and identify this as your home:

here so you must be homeless ... Or you can just tell him his mum sucks tramps for sustenance

Got dissed by my daughter while mowing the lawn, why's dad mowing the lawn again? Maybe he wants it as bald as his head

Special Olympics Investigated For Use Of Performance-Enhancing Hugs onion.com/MS0RPR #OlympicArchive

first tweet in ages, hmm, my kid was signing the song loving you this morning and I thought of the following amend,...

- loving you is easy, cos you are paraplegic and your choices are limited and access more so. lalalalalala, lalal lal al doodon dootondoooh