As a good looking person, I love what Matt Rife is doing for comedy; We've been discriminated against for too long!

Years ago, you couldn't just make an *nlyF*ns, you had to become... A SONIC CARHOP!

Men will literally stop at ten different gas stations to find a new energy drink instead of going to therapy.

I used to be called a HOARDER for keeping all my cool stuff... Now I'm told it's VINTAGE by posers who pay me 10x retail for my used clothes. So sick.

Pee Wee would have wanted you to make tha movie theater joke.

Industry plant-based menu

Michale Graves talks about tha only Misfits record I ever had a lunchbox of. Michale Graves podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mis…

I've never done drugs but I get why people do if it's anything like tha high from making a To-Do List of chores & then crossing one off once completed. 🥵😍

In every gym in America right now there's someone with no delts wearing a Dragon Ball Z shirt.

Most people don't know that venues only take merch cuts if your shirts suck.

If Drew Barrymore wants to win back tha American people, her first guest should be E.T. to tell us what they don't want us to know about aliens. Second guest should be Matt Rife.

Watched tha entire "Fall in the House of Usher" on Netflix and they don't mention Chilli from TLC even once ???

This pizzeria in "Five Nights at Freddy's" neither is as scary nor has as many RIPs in a week as tha Charles Entertainment Cheese I lived near for years.

I know y'all don't like to read about God too much on here, but when I woke up my clock was already set back an hour.

GENIUS いつも一番 IYO SKY

I guess what I'm most thankful for is despite having several cases of energy drinks in fridge, as soon as I leave I'll stop for a cold one.

Condolences to everyone finding out on Spotify Wrapped they aren't tha number one Taylor Swift listener

Tha hardest job has to be animal shelter employee writing bios for GUINEA PIGS!!!

Do 30 push ups before you talk to me.

Mask on The legendary Empress ASUKA / 伝説のASUKA皇后 knee to go with IYO SKY knee-yo. Nobody's ready.