“I’d rather spend an evening on top of a stepladder in No Man’s Land smoking endless cigarettes through a luminous balaclava.” #Edmund

“I smeared my opponent, bribed the press to be on my side, and threatened to torture the electorate if we lost. I fail to see what more a decent politician could have done.” #PittTheEvenYounger

“Lest we forget.”

"Marvellous thing, democracy. Look at Manchester: population 60,000; electoral roll 3." #Edmund

"Baldrick, you're going to be an MP, for God's sake. I'll put 'fraud and sexual deviancy'." #Edmund

"I was just thinking to myself; 'My God, I die in 12 hours, what I really need now is a hug from a complete prat'." #Edmund

"I spent a night of ecstasy with a pair of Wellingtons and I loved it." #George

"To make them look particularly tough, I wish to write them in blood. Your blood, to be precise." #Edmund

"Marvellous thing democracy. Look at Manchester - population 60,000, electoral roll, 3." #Edmund

"Toffs at the top, plebs at the bottom and me in the middle making a fat pile of cash out of both of them." #Edmund

"Baldrick, you're going to be an MP, for God's sake. I'll put 'fraud and sexual deviancy'." #Edmund

"Woman, dog, bitch. . . I'm a bastard son of a bitch!" #Edmund

"I shall call it my lucky willie. Years from now I shall take it out and show my grandchildren." #Baldrick

"Get away from the cart, Mr Slimey, or I'll fill you so full of lead we could sharpen your head and call you a pencil." #MissAmyHardwood

"I only smoke after making love. So back home in England, I'm a twenty a day man." #Edmund

Women are laughing, children are singing. Oh look, look, there’s a man been indecently assaulted by nine foreign sailors and he’s still got a smile on his face. #Percy

How dare you, Sir! You think just because we’re actors we sleep with everyone. #Mossop I think being actors you’re lucky to sleep with anyone. #Edmund

“Hey, Melchy! Still worship God?” #Flashheart “My Lord!” #Melchett “Last thing I heard, he’d started worshiping me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha!” #Flashheart

"Bit of a tiddler ain't it?" #Baldrick "Yes, but size isn't important my friend. It's not what you've got, it's where you stick it." #Edmund

"Darling? Bit of a funny name for a chap isn't it? Last time I called someone 'Darling' she was pregnant twenty seconds later!" #Flashheart