Every guy group needs a nigga nicknamed “skip” or “butch” that’s violently racist/italian and will always have your back in a bar fight

Nephew diving for the two hearted; kids got a bright future

Someone just hucked an apple at Steve Angeli as he crossed the stage like he gave a shitty Shakespeare performance

Giving my nephew the shopping cart at the grocery store so he can run it into the heels of Indians #theysmell

Quavis is trying to muster the courage to talk to a black chick tonight, wish a nigga luck!

Nephew got Barstooled and Kilroy’ed sorry bud that’s a mega #shrink

Go on a Carnival Cruise. Have 13 mixed drinks. Tip $0. Blame it on a fat black person. Get food poisoning from the clam chowder.

5 vodka sodas at the company happy hour and my random back pain went away. Must be the water I drank at 2pm

Genuinely jealous of my ethnic Uber drivers ability to always have a shawtie to call

Just felt the envious gaze of half of Chicago leaving Mikes with this warhead

Literally shaking thinking about day drinking on Thursday because George Floyd decided to fent tweak

A southern would be less shocked if you showed them a flying car vs. them seeing a black not say “excuse me”

Last time they let Quavis behind the wheel of the boat. We had a good run #grateful

Could not have had worse timing for Taco Bell breakfast, 3 coffees and 4 zyns this morning

An all clothes off shit at a Cracker Barrel in the middle of bum fuck Michigan is exactly how I saw this weekend closing out #sendhelp

Got woken up by a Charley horse in the middle of a dream involving that girl from 2019

Saw my gym crush use the same bench with an Indian guy. That’s a body right?

It’s like a white boys version of visiting Mecca #privileged

Walked 5 minutes to subway while entering week 3 of a Cold War between me and buying groceries

Sudden rush of a smell at the gym just to turn around to a cohort of pajeets #sandmonkeys