Neighbor took my package with a bunch of fancy dark chocolate from my stoop

This is what you guys look like chewing on telephone wire (twizzlers)

Sneezed while my neck was turned to the right and pulled my abdominal. Still hurts three days later. Never turn 30

😫

Should I make this one of those born again bodybuilder accounts that posts things like “all things are possible through the light of christ 💪 🦅🇺🇸,” while being ambiguous about their sexuality?

Happy Halloween to all the etsy witches out there 🐈‍⬛🌔

Thought the knicks might’ve pulled this one out 😔

Put both of my contacts into one eye. Day off to a good start

You guys should get one of these nonstick grill pans if you can’t have an outside grill for whatever reason. Can’t recommend it enough. Makes cooking chicken and fish really easy and delicious

Not in my house. Not in the house I’m living in

Happy zohran day to all who celebrate 🥂

I guess 😌

Let’s go knicks!

Cruel mother fuckers…

Gonna start tweeting a lot about being “shadow banned” 🤷‍♂️

Fun fact: Thomas Edison popularized the use of the word ‘hello’ because a word was needed for answering the telephone

Thank god this passed me by

I can do this too