If you’ve seen one American shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

Little known fact, Noah had a problem with the bees stinging all the other animals so he put them on a separate boat; the very first archive.

If you really wanna database, you should ask out men with low voices.

I've just discovered I'm gluten intolerant, so I suppose I'll have to cancel that holiday to Bali.

I’ve got a load of loose cattle to sell. I just need to find a byre. #jokes

When I said my baked goods were irresistible, did people stand and applaud? No, they just scoffed. #jokes

You can learn English and Maths from my left leg, and the Sciences from my right one. It’s because I have Special Educational Knees. #jokes

The name for specialist wine waiters was first established when they offered to help customers “smell yer” wine. #jokes

I gave a clown some cleanser and a flannel. That’ll wipe the smile off his silly face. #jokes #jokes

French Dairy farmers make cheese with holes in by just standing around shooting the bries. #jokes

Long time, no see! As the out-of-work bishop lamented. (Pete Orton)

I think coarse fabrics are best, and I will not be suede! #jokes

Don’t want a nurse or doctor to help with your wounds? Suture self. #jokes

The estate agent showed me around the little flat. I noticed a tiny jar of honey and they said: “The apartment’s bee jou”.

I once visited a land presided over by pets. I took my umbrella because it was reigning cats and dogs. #jokes

I always correct people who get their words twisted round their necks. People tell me I’m a pendant. #jokes

My newly octogenarian grandad does a great impression of a Caribbean country. “I’m Haiti” he proclaims. #jokes

Vote Mocky Khan for Labour to make sure Didcot & Wantage is represented at the heart of our country's future government.

If you're Cross at 14 years of Coalition and Conservative Corruption and Incompetence. Put that Cross here:

On 5 July 1948 Labour created the NHS. On 5 July 2024 we'll find out if the country still wants it.