Hard to know what to choose at this camouflage shop.

BREAKING: White House releases conclusive proof that all is well from today’s golfing trip.

The best part about being over 40 is how you need to exercise even more to stop gaining weight but also how exercising more makes your body feel like you’ve wrestled a particularly aggressive silverback gorilla.

Huge missed opportunity not to buy their own boat and call it Buoyancé.

Ozempic website asked if I accept cookies. Why else do you think I’m here?

Who are you trying to kid, air freshener manufacturers? Nobody believes I drank two cans of Guinness, ate a full Sunday roast, and left my in-laws’ bathroom smelling like a Polynesian island. We need more realistic scents like ‘really mild fart’ or ‘slightly dehydrated urine’.

BRUCE WAYNE: Ugh, if only there was a way to reduce crime in this city. ALFRED: Well, Master Bruce, as a billionaire if you paid your taxes fairly, it would help fund the services that fight crim- BRUCE WAYNE: Make me a Bat-themed car and weapons.

Really struggling with this puzzle. If only I’d paid more attention to pop music in 2005.

LIFE HACK: Ask someone “can I ask you a question?” before asking your actual question so you’re sneakily getting two for the price of one.

I have an online course that teaches you how to trick people into thinking you’re a dolphin on a golf course. Just click on the links.

With one of the lowest corporate tax rates in the country it seems to be true that Missouri loves company.

If nominative determinism was really a thing, John Bobbitt’s surgeon would have been this guy:

BREAKING: Loophole in the law means the robbers may actually be able to keep the jewels. It’s known as “Finders Keepers, Louvre’s Weepers”.

I once had a job carving Charon out of vegetables, and used to make a Styx figure celery.

Are child car seats designed to prevent food/dirt/mess from accumulating? No. But are they designed to be easy to take apart and clean? Also no.

It would be easier to stop people joining pyramid schemes if we didn’t name them after something that’s incredibly well designed, admired by millions, and has lasted centuries longer than other construction.

Halloween is always a sad time of year for me, as it reminds me of my late uncle, who we discovered had a skeleton inside him all along.

World’s most expensive places to eat: 4: New York 3: Zurich 2: Oslo 1: The sandwich shop at any airport

FUN FACT: Salt-N-Pepa’s “Push it” was written about trying to close the cupboard where you keep your Tupperware.

Don’t think AI knows what a bungalow is.