If I was a dog I would bark at you too

My eyes have been twitching and I think it's because they don't serve nearly as much dairy here and my body is used to it being like 1/3 of my calories.

A French person talked to my for 5 minutes today and I wanted to throw my ears into a blender.

Guy in my industry heard that I was into crypto and asked if I held any xrp and I told him it was a boomer coin and he got upset.

My drink cost $8.11. Gave a 1 dollar tip and wrote at the bottom of the receipt that I'd never forget this transaction.

Texas is weird because I went to the alamo and had mexicans look at me like I don't belong there.

Nigerians are just black Irish people.

My uncle was very against eating while drinking. He told me as a teen "why ruin a 100 dollar buzz on a 25 dollar dinner*.

Niggas grow up and act like they never watched Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!

Working like a dog. Playing like a dog.

Girls are funny. Instead of calling another girl a whore they will say "she's not a girls girl". This is so they don't bring up their own sexual history, but can still call another girl untrustworthy and loose in a roundabout way.

x.com/i/spaces/1OdKr…

She asked if I could be the mordecai to her twilight sparkle so I painted her toyota camry with my brain matter.

The only thing I did this weekend was listen to the entirety of crime and punishment audiobook while mindlessly playing megabonk.

I've been seeing a lot of insta reels using new computers by girlfriends from his self-titled album girlfriends and it's cool more people are listening to him but also it's my fav math rock album paired with ai generated dachshunds fighting seagulls for a fallen hotdog like ???

Girl who wants to be a real estate agent just so she can put signs in people's yards with her selfie on it.

So what if his dad was friends with Epstein? If he's an industry plant he's the most talented one we've ever seen. And in this house Julian Casablancas is a rock star. End of story.

Milady “Change of Heart” 🎨 🌈✨Acrylic on 16 x 18 hanged canvas. Like last time the colors are way more saturated in real life. Looks really big on the wall. Has a lot of soul. Bids in ETH start in replies start now, end at the latest 24 hours 🎨🌈✨

You'll actually find your wife throwing up behind the dive bar next to the dumpsters.

Hispanic Indian alliance has never been stronger, unfortunately.