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who is the martha stewart to your snoop dogg? who is the snoop dogg to your martha stewart???

I know my tendency to dump people is unhealthy but I am gonna be real I have had some really garbage friends in my life who deserved to be dumped

💕 the girls i went to high school with who stayed in our hometown don’t know that i screen record their ig stories and send them to my sister with the caption, “i would rather die a slow and painful death than live that life” 💕

my illustrator art boards are between me and god

thinking about how maybe i loved freshman year of college so much bc it was the first time i was socializing consistently with alcohol and loved nothing more than going to a party and not being anxious about it bc i could just get drunk quickly and become besties with everyone

HEY SIRI HOW CAN MOTHER BE A GOOD MOTHER AND ALSO *WAVES HANDS AROUND IN AN EXASPERATED MANNER*

In 2012 I made out with a boy I didn’t like and a week later we ran into him and Jennifer said, “you’re cuter than they said you were!” And I hope he’s not traumatized by that comment because I would be

Me: I’m keeping the thermometer on my side of the bed to get my basal body temperature so I know when I’m ovulating Porter: …do you stick it in your hooha?

a friend: don’t judge me i looked up my ex’s social media me: one time i looked up my ex’s voter registration so i could see where he lived