Five years from now, half my followers will be looking through their Muted Words lists and struggling to remember why they muted the phrase “weeping meeple”...

hunker the fuck down

Bohemian Rap CD

🔒 ♻️

Doing this on stage everyday with someone you're not otherwise romantically involved with must be so weird. I don't mean in a moralistic anti-sex scene way, I just mean on a practical level. Eight times a week you have to pretend to frantically make out with your coworker.

A faux pas at a dinner welcoming alien visitors: an egg dish is served to the visitors, not knowing they're oviparous. "No offense was intended, I'm sure, but you have to understand: us eating eggs would be like…would be like you consuming another mammal." "…right."

Eize Basa “And that would be…delicious? Bad! It’s bad. Yes.”

Absolutely HATE it when my lady and I are engaged in a kiss only for the animals to start striking curious poses. Instant mood-killer.

Pratchett:

Ever heard of board games? You might like them, they’re sorta like a steampunk Tabletop Simulator.

just overheard someone say "star-crust lovers"

I can’t think of a better metaphor for the state of the modern web than the fact that every messaging app I use has its own subtly different version of Markdown that I have to remember. The techbros are out here trying to make bold and italics proprietary.

Eize Basa Two hut-holds, both alike in pepperoni, In fair Napoli, where we set out scene, From ancient stove breaks new recipe, Where civil sauce makes civil dough unclean.

it’s when you lady & the tramp pizza crust with the one you love

“Won’t take as long as you think” is a hell of a marketing tagline.

RENOVATION SHOW NARRATOR: As work on the fireplace finally gets underway, trouble is looming in the kitchen… HOST: So what’s the issue? “CLIENT”: uh yeah your producer said I have to pretend to hate this $4000 countertop your show is giving me for free.

I made a trailer for The Nutty Professor using the audio from The Substance's trailer.