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they're adding an ant to your tweets. i hope you're as excited for August 1st as i am

the most insane shit to me is that i have the mental capacity to be normal and addicted to drugs the same way my parents are normal and addicted to cigarettes the same way my grandma is normal and addicted to beer

Pussy from the president? Count me in.

My body is not healthy. I need medical attention.

just heard a noise over there (in mr bean world)

i have to see a doctor as soon as possible

The Simpsons should make a character named Wal-Mart Speedrun

I just made a beautiful sandwich without a speck of dust anywhere in sight.

my house elves made me a big hamburger

it would be fun as a teen to go get stabbed

My life revolve around beer

There's actually a very good chance that if you actually watched Jurassic Park you'd learn something

I went to see the doctor and all I got was this ultrasound of a fucking hamburger

Pernicus, the creator of the plastic toy Bionicle, has died

I just went viral while taking my morning nap

my brain is expanding a little bit

im a big man. im a presence

Theres a secret room built right into my forehead

this is the second time this week that a good apple is in short supply

It's getting lonely here :(