Take a second and imagine a 6 foot tall cockroach.

Tik tok has made me realize how many people don’t change their smoke detector batteries.

I’m seeing my favorite band tonight. Bring me the horizon! 🤘🏻

Black mirror is so good 😭

You know you spent too much money in Vegas when your bank flags your account for fraud.

How is life short if it’s the longest thing you’ll ever do?

I wish that there wasn’t a 2 in H20 so water could just be called a ho.

Anyone ever hold in a sneeze in public just to avoid attention?

My tweets are so good nobody likes them

Freaky Friday is one of my favorite movies of all time

Look at my friends dog. She’s gonna be a pilot.

I have actually never had a Big Mac before. Are they good?

It’s kinda eerie how nosey I am. Pun intended.

Would you rather be blind or deaf?

Been craving jalapeños every day lately

I’m 32 and finally started to pair my socks together instead of just throwing them all in a drawer.

The Philter Cool I still got a couple years before I need to do this.

Game Time Jones The Philter 🤣🤣🤣 I’m 31 and I’m on the same path as Phil!

Starting the new season of Black Mirror! Finally.

Everything is expensive and high in calories.