Don’t mind me, I’m just getting a little emotional thinking about how lucky my workplace is that they get to experience my presence on a daily basis

99% of Restaurants: “Chef may I?” 99% of Restaurants: “Yes Chef” 99% of Restaurants: “HEARD!” Always that one Restaurant: Sup Kitchen Daddy?

One day in the distant future, some archeologist is going to find a servers order pad and they will start some new religion based on the illegible script that doesn’t seem to match any known human language.

Restaurant staff will literally go a week with 4 hours of sleep, only consuming French fries, red bull, wine and bar garnish and say things like “I don’t know why I’m so tired”

If you make $300 in a night and then sit down at the bar top after and spend $100. You made $200 and drank for free.

Rude people really need to understand that leaving and not coming back is not a threat, It’s a tease.

Why you work in a restaurant by age: 15-18: Favour/first job/MomPop 19-24: Pay for school/Fun 25-29: OMG I make so much money I’m never leaving. 30-32: This feels like I made a mistake 33+: The Void.

Calling in sick for work: School: We will get a substitute Office: can you work from home? Restaurant: Put the surgeon on the phone.

Me: The manager has been in the office for 3 hours playing on his phone, the kitchen crashed and the bartender threw my chit in the garbage because he’s too drunk to work. If I don’t make 20% tonight I quit. Customer: ….I just want some mozzarella sticks.

Hell hath no fury like a middle aged person who has to wait like 20 minutes

Restaurant staff have it made. We work with all of our best friends, all we do is eat and drink and we have a reason to get out of every family holiday.

Restaurants are dangerous because you’re 21 and having so much fun and then boom, you’re 40.

I like when you’re cutting a guy off and he’s like “Do you have any idea how much money I spend here?” And it’s like: Ya man, and we’ll be fine without your 3 rye cokes and 5% tip.

Me: Farewell innocent one. The light of life in your eyes will soon fade. Before long your dreams of a bright future will be replaced by bad decision and the thirst for the instant gratifications of this world. New Employee: what? Me: I said this is your trainer, Jessica.

Don’t tell me you can’t accomplish anything. I’ve seen a line cook who has been wearing the same torn up pants for 3 months straight start dating a 3rd year nursing student because he knew when to drop chicken strips in the fryer.

Sometimes you watch the night crew roll in and you just know that no real work is going to get done tonight

Some of you haven’t closed, gotten historically intoxicated, stayed out until 5am, rolled in late to open just to get mad at the close job and it shows.

Manager: HANDS! Servers: Do you hear something? Manager: I NEED HANDS! Servers: No I don’t think so… Manager: I NEED A FOOD RUNNER Servers: Place must be haunted.

A lot of murders are planned at the server station.

Just had a guest wave me over to order something while their server was at the other end of their table taking orders. The end times are truly here