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PerfumeAdsForSale

@perfumeads

We write high quality perfume and aftershave adverts, all of which are for sale: £5000 each. Guaranteed hits. Enquiries: [email protected]

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calendar_today10-01-2018 21:48:55

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Silk, says Harry Styles when the mermaid asks what his tortoise holder is made from Black & white winds tousle his hair The mermaid gently strokes his cheek: “I know you” STYLES “Know me you do” He dismounts his horse & kisses her not once, not twice, not thrice, but frice

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It's Justin Bieber’s funeral. Beliebers cannot belieb it. Weeping mourners cast brassieres into his grave. As it’s filled with soil, a distraught supermodel dives in to be with him forever. It's over. The vicar removes his moustache. It’s Justin Bieber. “Where do I begin?”

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Fade in Atop a volcano stands Charlize Theron She takes off her monocle & casts it into the lava: “I do not need to see” Points to her heart “I feel” A microphone descends Charlize grabs it & sings the whole of ‘What If God Was One Of Us’ In Korean. Twice. DIOR

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Ewan McGregor on a motorbike, wearing a little scarf. “Life. They say if you blink, you’ll miss it.” Ewan stares at his reflection in a lake. “That's why…” Face to face with a coyote. “I never blink” Ewan atop a mountain, staring intensely at the sky. Thunder.

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In slow motion Jake Gyllenhaal turns his head to look out of a window Hold on Jake Gyllenhaal looking out of the window for 40 minutes Then he looks back at camera: (wisely) “Unknow Thyself” He now has the eyes of a mallard Fade to ethereal whiteness ‘TRUTH’ Perfume bottle

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Sotheby’s Frenzied bidding on a rare ostrich egg BANG. Sold to telephone bidder 9 The egg begins to hatch People gasp A tiny hand pierces the albumen. A newborn Gerard Butler screams into existence. Cut to Gerard Butler aged 90 on a phone in China laughing DESTINY by Kenzo

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Natalie Portman gallops through Paris on a flaming horse “We need not things. Only hope.” A rich man pushes his Jag into the Seine “To inspire others” Another gifts his watch to an orphan “You must outspire yourself” Natalie, covered in ash, runs to the sunset on all fours

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A puma enters a cocktail party. Everyone stares at the puma. People whisper: ‘is that a ...puma?’ The puma passes a drape, rises to its hind legs & morphs into Benedict Cumberbatch. ‘No’, say the people, ‘’tis a man’ Cumberbatch, down the lens: “Can I interest you in Love?”

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Poetic night David Gandy thinks at the moon Dissolve into his complicated mind A muscular torso is hit with a fine, oily mist Time-lapse fox corpse The word ‘TRUTH?’ written on parchment An ostrich reverses through a supermarket Gandy, years later “Unimpossible Yourself”

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Jared Leto stalks the plains in a velvet dinner suit Monochrome winds tousle his small beard “What am I searching for? Love. Deep, gushing love” He pulls out an antique trumpet, toots a little ditty A woman appears. She has antlers Slowly, delicately, he kisses her chin.

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A divided world Protestors Chanting Natalie Portman arrives in an open top VW Beetle Her hair is braided Her energy is Swiss She lifts a megaphone and sings a soft, folk version of ‘Rappers Delight’ The crowd melt into doves The Dior logo appears, made entirely from hope

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A cactus is on fire. Kit Harington stands before it: “They say dance like no one’s watching. Wrong. I dance like everyone in the whole world is watching” He strides to camera. Pulls the 4 of spades from his pocket. “Is this your card?” He walks away. Fade to indigo.

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A horse stands in the centre of Times Square No one is there Jake Gyllenhaal approaches Goes nose to nose with the beast “I knew you’d come” Cut He is now living in a small village just outside Marseille A photo of the horse hangs on the wall Cut to a bottle of perfume

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Chris Hemsworth strips down to his vest to write a letter. ‘ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTVWXYZ’ A tear falls onto the page, blotting the ink. “Something’s missing” Chris burns the page. “Perhaps...it is U” Chris looks deep into your soul and marries you with his eyes. I REMEMBER U

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Jerusalem. 2034. Tom Hardy exits a stainless-steel drone wearing turquoise salopettes. “I’ve searched time” A lamb is born in reverse A gloved hand plucks a berry. Hardy karate kicks the air “Welcome to yesterday” 9 minutes of wasps

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A flat-capped David Beckham plays saxophone to a heard of cows “Are we so different?” He walks amongst the beasts, pausing occasionally to touch nostrils with them “No” A pear lands in some hay Timelapse donkey birth Back to the field. David now has horns. Perfume bottle

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New York is empty but for one man Idris Elba in a kilt His eyes are eternal His thoughts, black & white He pulls out a pocket telescope & looks out Telescope POV: in the distance Elba is looking back at himself through another telescope BOTH ELBAS: “Checkmate” ‘BELONG’

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Luke Evans checks his watch “People ask what time it is Maybe they should ask what time it isn’t? Points to his temple “Think about it” He smooshes pink lotion over his torso & dives into the Seine But it is not filled with water It is brimful with the thick balm of destiny

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Scotland. Black&White. Timelapse clouds. Reverse eagle. Then: “Stop. What’s that noise?” Chalamet removes his velvet headphones & listens “Just as I thought. Rain” He leaves the castle topless & lays in the grass letting the rain blast against his inquisitive nipples. DIOR

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We're in a universe where Timothée Chalamet was never born People roam the streets squinting hungry for answers answers to questions nobody remembers asking Fog A peach sinks into a pool of black oil The ashes of a forest fire An empty perfume bottle A single word VOID