If a headteacher had a localised outbreak of I dunno, let’s say Norovirus; they knew about it before Christmas, opened the school for a day after the hols then shut it again, they’d be run out the fucking doors by the governors

Imagine being the “spokesperson” Department for Education who has confirmed that January exams are still going ahead...

Hi. Just pointing out that the second bullet point completely contradicts the first. This is a complete cop out & you are palming responsibility off onto schools. The very definition of NOT supporting schools. Ya massive dickheads

What an odious little twat you are Sir Gavin Williamson CBE MP Read the room eh? Can somebody inspect you seeing as you gave us 1 day’s notice? I mean parents complain when you ask for a reply slip the next morning. You’re as shit as Gove ever was and equally unpleasant.

Said it before and I’ll say it again; I’ve never met an Aussie I didn’t like. But then again, I’ve never met most of the current Cricket Australia team

I think we both know that’s stretching the truth. However, no pressure then eh? For now just chuckle sling at all your kids & parents seeing me call a cabinet minister a twat when they engage with your account? I’ll try harder in future.

Jock High are “restructuring” ie. saving some cash. Teachers will be paid based on their workload & responsibilities during lockdown. All Maths & English staff are being made Deputy HTs. Science, AHTs. Drama & Music Higher Level Teaching Assistants. PE? associate dinner nannies

#LockdownLessonSoundbites “Right guys, I hope you can all hear me? I’ve turned my camera off as the light’s not good. Can you all do the 1st question I emailed you please?” “Sir? We can see you sat in your y-fronts”

#LockdownLessonSoundbites “Sir, your decor is fucking atrocious”

#LockdownLessonSoundbites “Miss, are those Vodka bottles by your sofa?”

#LockdownLessonSoundbites “Jonny; mute your microphone? Yes and you Thomas. No, you’ve turned your camera off. Right, Roland you’re clearly playing on your PS4. Montgomery? That’s blatantly a cardboard cutout of Lionel Messi in your uniform can you come to your computer please?”

Hahaha! 🤣 That’s a beauty! I’d specifically not included you guys but I suppose you’d be the equivalent of temporary admin staff when Brenda the bursar goes off with one of her funny turns

The good thing about remote learning during lockdown is that you can deal with most grumbles, queries and complaints about your crap provision with a jumbled explanation including the phrase “...it’s a safeguarding thing...”

I’m sorry but after this, there can be NO doubt what whatsoever. He IS 100% a PE teacher youtu.be/LbxvP2hSdlI

There are plenty of perks to being a professional footballer, but i reckon the no.1 right now is that their barbers still appear to be completely open for business, whilst the rest of us continue our devolution into Yetidom

Now Jackie really has no excuse whatsoever Scientists have taught spinach to send emails x.com/i/events/13563…

Having never been a privileged toff I’ve not done much rowing. But imagine claiming to be a cox. Aside from boasting stunted growth & an inability to physically contribute to an activity, what is the point? Absolute bollocks

Do you remember the episode when Uncle Phil got in shape?

Why are people so amazed by seeing 12 & 13 year olds winning skateboarding medals? What kind of adult would ride a fucking skateboard?

Dancing horses at the summer games is god awful, but Scottish bowls on ice takes the biscuit. It makes Jackie’s Y11 “Walking” unit look like an Ironman