I’m ready to be back on Twitter. What interesting or funny people should I follow?

Dear Paulas: You can’t have my Twitter handle. (Unless you have lots of money. Then we should talk.)

Can we all agree to not age this year and that 2020 is just a blip in the space time continuum?

Everyday is Wednesday.

Virus. Wildfires. Power outages. California is just a drought and earthquake away from an apocalypse.

At this point, anyone is better. I’d vote for a potato.

A weekend with rearranged furniture made me feel like I was at an Airbnb. #QuarantineLife

Best thing I’ve heard all year. #TrumpHasCovid

Sunglasses, mask, hat, and headphones: in what order does one remove these items from the head in a way that is not regrettable?

Why do you capitalize only the first words of sentences?

Upgrade!!

If you’re in a 500-person conga line screaming in victory with honking traffic, STAY IN LINE

Finally some good news this year! I’m ready to hug everyone but you know, COVID.

Is the election over yet? Is 2020 over yet? Is any of it over?

Finally. Late is better than never. #TrumpBanned

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate visitors.

I'm having a hard time focusing today just knowing that there are protests AT the funerals of Orlando victims. It's completely absurd.

We're getting a bigger space! Yay!!! Peek inside: tinkeringmonkey.com/studio/

Come party with us in Berkeley! RSVP here: eventbrite.com/e/tinkering-mo…

He does this every night when he's hungry for dinner. For reals. instagram.com/p/BH0ui2ID_FC/